I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
