dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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