I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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