yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
