The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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