and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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