you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
