But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize