My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
