There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
