3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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