Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
