Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
