Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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