He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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