His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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