i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize