i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
