Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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