I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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