are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
