And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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