How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
