Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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