His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
