my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
