It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
