You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
