did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize