At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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