Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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