we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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