We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
