you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
