So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
