if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
