This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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