I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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