I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
