I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
