It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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