She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
