Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
