happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
