the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
