his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
