I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
