dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
