I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
