my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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