I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
