I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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