My first STD was from a foam party
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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