can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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