I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
