i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
