It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
