it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
