what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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