Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
