When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize