Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
